A Shopaholic's Guide To Dry July
Dry July is among us, Shopaholics, and COS never misses an occasion to make ourselves prettier, happier & sexier in the name of love. And I'm not just talking about self-love. I'm also talking about the love that we give to others. A physically beautiful Shopaholic combined with a selfless, giving and charitable Shopaholic is an unstoppable serum. Dry July invites a month of alcohol abstinence to raise funds for Cancer patients. Whilst sufferers have toxicity in their bodies, you don't have to. In turn, better health is achieved all around. To stay dry this July, I have (as usual!) the best advice, the raunchiest secrets and the most meticulous instructions.
The first code of conduct, Shopaholics, is to abstain from alcohol. It's the least secretive secret considering that to be dry in July, you must first stay dry. But, I believe that like most sacrifices we make, it's not about elimination but rather a substitution. In this way, the sacrifice doesn't feel too burdening and the likelihood of the sacrifice having longevity multiplies. The invention of the mocktail has been revolutionary for curious children, sober addicts and wannabe dry Shopaholics. I confess to you two recipes for dry ice mocktails to assist you in being the driest of dry Shopaholics this dry July.
The first dry ice mocktail recipe that I chose is obviously a pink one, Shopaholics!
The Clover Club
15mL raspberry cordial
15mL lemon juice
60mL alcohol-free gin
1 egg white
5 raspberries
1 cube of dry ice
The second dry ice mocktail recipe that I chose is the classiest drink on the market, sipped by only the classiest Shopaholics!
The Dirty Martini
100mL potato water
50mL olive juice
2 green olives ( for garnish)
1 cube of dry ice
NOTE: The method for both mocktails is adding all ingredients except for the dry ice to a mocktail shaker and vigorously shaking until combined. The final touch is adding your cube of dry ice to the glass until the ice has melted and the bubbling has ceased.
It's official, Dolls. You are now following the rules of dry July by sipping your non-alcoholic beverages. However, following the rules sounds boring and the easiest way to make rule-following less boring is by adding le maquillage and dolling yourself up! Dry shampoo is my dirty confession, my raunchy secret and my holy grail. Sometimes, I'm too tiresome to have a shower every day because re -straightening my hair is an effort and a half. To keep the grease away, I douse my baby hairs and scalp in dry shampoo until the grease vanishes and my flat hair volumizes. It's the driest party trick around town, Shopaholics.
Shopaholics, my instructions have led you to be a legible participant in dry July. However, your legibility is irrelevant, Shopaholics, if you don't look the part. Ironically, to look the part you must break a dry July rule. To be a dry July Shopaholic, the only thing that doesn't stay dry is you!
Dry skin = a le maquillage horror!
Moisturizer is a Godsend (further proof that God is a woman!)... Ma préfèree moisturizer is by vaseline, called Cocoa Glow. It hydrates skin with shea butter, makes it more tanned from the cocao and leaves a Shopaholic scented with sweet le chocolat. One of the ultimate self-care exercises is purchasing a massage. It must be an oil massage for the skin to replenish. As if you could say no to this luxurious body treatment that simultaneously fixes your posture, muscles and tissues! Finally, Shopaholics, is my best at-home remedy. Run yourself a bubble bath but switch it up by replacing the bubbles with lavender or peppermint oil. The steam will rise into your pores and abolish every ounce of dryness. Plus, it will smell sinfully delicious. If you're a true Shopaholic, you'll add pink rose petals for aesthetic effect.
So that's that, Shopaholics... My guide to a Shopaholic dry July. You're the prettiest and kindest dry July Shopaholic there ever was. I've worked my charms and now it's time for you and millions of cancer patients to reap the golden benefits. Ask your colleagues, families & friends to sponsor you on your 31-day journey or share this article with them so they can be dry July Shopaholic contestants themselves! Don't forget to stay dry, Shopaholics.
Kisses,
COS xxx
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