Christmas Through The Looking Glass
I love every holiday but I turn into one of those crazy, holiday, obsessors at Christmas time. It is beautiful to me in every single way. Christmas represents so much to me. It's not just presents or Santa or music. Through the looking glass, Christmas is everything but just. It's the most magical time of the year and I'm going to tell you why, Dolls.
As a child, my biological Dad did many things that my mother sheltered me from. Though I don't believe in speaking about a person who isn't there to share their point of view, my experiences were my experiences and it is only my version of events that I can vouch for. And that is that when I think of Christmas, I think of my mum, not my biological father. She did everything to protect me from the truths that adults learn about Christmas such as Santa Claus not existing and chimney visits not happening. Some years, we were poor but Mum always had presents that read: 'From Mum', 'From Dad'(when he was AWOL yet again), 'From Santa' AND 'From Rudolph'. She knew that she was the only person who would be able to provide me with the childhood where those myths were my reality and so she did. She did enough smiling and singing and joking and dancing and decorating to account for all of the missing parties. She was a single Mum and although she didn't have to, she took it upon herself to be a Dad, a sibling, an uncle and a Santa. She did it all for me, happily, willingly, lovingly. To me, when I look through the looking glass, I see that at the fundament of Christmas exists an innate pillar of protection. The entire adult world knows these secrets and we keep it a secret purely because it brings children and adults such joy. No matter if the person is good or bad, has family or doesn't or is happy or sad, the desire to keep and instil joy prevails above and despite the chaos, hate and turmoil within the world.
It's been more than once that I've been in hospital around Christmas time. It's a truth that I still find difficulty in reconiciling. Not being able to celebrate with my family over what were always non-negotiable joyous priority rituals and experiences left me feeling immesnsely alone, guilty, longing and miserable. In my opinion (and I think most other's), nursing is and should be about aid, devotion and care. That's why I've felt especially disheartened upon meeting multiple nurses that have recognised what power they have over particularly vulnerable patients and abused it. As shocking as that may be to many, it is sadly a common reality, one that I've witnessed time and time again in the mental health sector. I share this with you, Dolls, to highlight how notable it has been for me to be cared for by nurses whose hearts are in all the right places. My heart has become filled by a particular practice the nurses on my hospital wards have engaged in over Christmas time and that is the purchasing and wearing of specially designed Christmas scrubs. One of my nurses this year even has Christmas sneakers covered with trees and gingerbread men. Sometimes, one smile is the only smile I'll have in a day when I'm in hospital. But they care enough to be the reason everybody gets that minimum one smile. Although nurses and doctors have the ability to perform the most complex procedures that save lives, Christmas time allows them to practice what is simplest to them and that is to care.
The reason I love Kris Kringle (KK) & Christmas cards (CC) so much is that they're a consistent yearly opportunity to create connection with those you mightn't otherwise. I started doing Kris Kringle in high school within my 'groups' and I remember having more fun when I got somebody that I didn't really talk to than a person whom I did. I began paying closer attention to my KK than ever before, thinking about what they'd like based on their co-corricular activities, the colors of their stationary or the activities they spoke to the group about. When they opened their KK gift, they felt special, excited and seen and I found it beautiful that it was purely because of Christmas that such a moment became allowed. One of the strongest values that my mum instilled into me was that under no circumstances was exclusion acceptable in any way, shape or form. If I had a class of 15 and 10 were my friends, I had to invite the remaining five no matter what. By high school, this moral standard was deep-rooted and whether or not my mum explicitly said it, it had become unnaceptable to me to leave people out. Because of this, if I wanted to write CC's to my circle of friends but I didn't like someone, I still had to write everybody a card. This practice has carried over in my adult years as I've become a colleague and a non-family family member of my best friends. At times, I found it more difficult than expected to find something kind, considerate and observant to write about somebody who I'd never paid much attention to. But Christmas challenges us to explore the magic within ourselves and others, draw on giving, harbour spirit, create cherishable memories and establish connection. Through the looking glass, KK & CC are at the heart of this time of year.
I believe that not loving Christmas is impossible, even for grinches. I can hear myself sounding corny and childish but Dolls, I simply don't care because it's one of those things in life that are just good, really good, always and no matter what. I'm only twenty but I've been alive long enough to have witnessed enough of the evil side of humanity to know that when a good thing is good, you have to hold on to it like it's the most precious thing you've ever seen because maybe, just maybe it is.
Kisses,
COS x
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