Fortune Favors The Bold

A true Shopaholic knows that fortune truly does favour the bold for a Shopaholic cannot be a Shopaholic if bold isn't engraved on their tombstone in shiny, pink print. The timeless saying is one that I believe to be true under circumstances of ambition, risk and goal setting. However, it is especially true throughout the journey of eating disorder recovery. Fortune truly favours those who are bold in times when fear is crippling and doubt is all-encompassing. Being bold may not always be easy but I assure you, Dolls, it is always possible.

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Guilt plagues me in moments where recovery is mentioned by another, let alone pondered by me. Exploring the notion of a recovered life often feels daunting, overwhelming and dreaded. Yet, my healthy self longs for a future laced with freedom, belonging and joy. I'm not asking you to go to the grocery store and buy a dozen glazed doughnuts, join in with your family eating choc-tops at the cinema or go on spontaneous late-night drive-thrus at McDonald's for hot fudge soft serves with your significant other. I am merely asking you to visualise yourself in the footsteps of a future you experiencing these moments as a fully recovered Shopaholic. When you visualise, you plant a seed in your mind that what you're visualising is worth the time it takes to visualise. Dolls, I confess to you that even as I write these words, I feel shame in my heart and hear my mind throb with the word 'underserving'. But I chose to be bold. I chose to write against what makes me the most uncomfortable to inspire my precious Shopaholics to live a life that at least has possibility. A life that has possibilities is better than a life that remains exactly the same.

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Hospital isn't exactly a 5-star day spa in Venezuela, except there is one thing a day spa and hospital have in common - the aim of achieving better health. My mum likes comparing the hospital to a day spa where the nurses are nail technicians, the blood tests are vitamin infusions and the calories are cucumber-infused water. At first, it felt silly to pretend I was at a spa but creating a fairytale amidst the nightmare allowed me to be bolder against my trepidations surrounding admissions. I won't sugar coat it Dolls... hospital means doing the most challenging task of eating multiple times a day, possibly receiving nasogastric feeding and having exercise privileges ceased. But if I were to add a sprinkle of sugar, I would tell you that boldness comes from surrendering to your eating disorder, relishing in professional care and resting a malnourished body. Boldness comes from ignoring the negative voices because you know that your life and/or quality of life depends on accepting treatment. Fortune will favour this bold decision as you rediscover your strength. You'll have been pushed to your limits and in turn, you'll have a newfound awareness of your capabilities. Your fortune will equate to better mental and physical health, resulting in being on the pathway to becoming the boldest Shopaholic version of yourself that you can be.

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I've asked you to visualise a recovered life but to reap the fortuitous benefits, a Shopaholic has to begin to make bold steps, even if at first they're baby ones. A safe life results in a safe fortune and personally, I would rather have a fortune that is grand, dazzling and magical. I implore you to challenge one rule of safety such as choosing to estimate a tablespoon with your eyes instead of using the measuring spoon. Challenge the term 'fear food' and replace it with the emotion you would feel if you ate it such as 'happy food' or 'free food'. Your rigidity around calories is most likely irrational and it can certainly be proven irrational if you increase your limit once every few days. I understand your hesitations like nobody else and my advice comes from personal experience. And my personal experience is that after making these seemingly small wins in recovery, I wasn't negatively affected in the way I'd expected. I have no interest in tricking you, but rather being transparent to ease your mind.

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To an eating disorder, recovery is a risk too large to take but the beneficial fortune of recovery is what every one of my precious Dolls deserves. I am still learning but I hope that my Shopaholics and I can become bolder in numbers. A thought, an attempt or an action is significant and no matter how small or how big, I see you, Dolls. Fortune will favour you. Just by reading this Blog Post, you are already bolder than you could ever know. Don't underestimate yourself, pretty Shopaholics!

Love you,

Cos x