If Anorexia Were A Person...
Anorexia is a hard concept for a lot of people to understand. I recall countless conversations with my bapa dumbfounded as to why I wanted to remain sick, why I didn't want to eat and why I didn't want to get better. Considering I've come across so many similar encounters of different people perplexed by the nature of my illness, I thought that if I made anorexia a person, strangers could get to know anorexia in the way I have. Whatever the case, if anorexia were a person, you wouldn't want to know them.
If anorexia were a person, they could be a boy or a girl. Anorexia doesn't discriminate by gender, anorexia manifests in the brain, not in adam's apples or long locks of hair. If anorexia were a person, their lips would be stone blue. Their eyes would be almost greyish and lifeless, the type you see on old veterans who've seen things nobody should have seen. Anorexia's eyes could've seen an array of tinged objects and moments such as its skeletal body in a fleeting moment on a bus door. If anorexia were a person their hair would be straw-like, dead and entirely split at the ends from nutrients they once relished in like avocados, nuts, seeds, or whole eggs. Their tiny wrists would bend and crack as the brittle bones beneath the skin's surface screamed for lubrication and strength. If anorexia were a person, they'd scowl at you all of the time with their glazed-over expressions, sunken cheekbones and hollow jawlines. If anorexia were a person they'd look so cross that a single glance would make you cry. And if anorexia cried, there'd be no tears to weep for its heart is as cold as ice... Instead, they'd cower in their body as their tears ran dry. They wouldn't know how to laugh... No sound would come out. They'd smile but there'd be no point because you knew it wouldn't be natural, it would be because they'd tried. Their smile lines would be a lie, those wrinkles would be from age, not in years but from brooding in their sorrows for years upon years upon years. If anorexia were a person, oh, they'd look so scary you'd have to look away for to catch one look at it would be enough to bring you a yearful of the saddest, cruellest dreams, the type you'd never seen, not in all of your years.
If anorexia were a person they'd falsely smile through gritted teeth. Their laugh would only occur in instances of barbaric natures, resembling a hyena's. If anorexia were a person they'd be your biggest supporter and your best friend to your face but behind your back, as you walked away, they'd dissect your every essence with their leering looks and hateful words. They'd say your name with the perfect pitch that allowed for the harmony to erase out each beautiful letter with a pitchfork and stake. If anorexia were a person, the characteristic of lenience would cease to exist. Anorexia would hold you to your said duties existing in its fabricated world of starvation thus limiting you to a lifeless life of adhering to its desires. If anorexia were a person they'd entirely neglect your will. Your fantasies, your passions, and your dreams would be buried in your grave, the grave made for the version of you that died the day you two met. If anorexia were a person they'd find pleasure in your pain, laughing at you as you wept, heinously mocking you as you bewilderedly watched its crimes unfold. If anorexia were a person, it would always hold your hand, not to befriend or adorn you but to keep you from reaching for the arms of another who may know how or want to help.
Truthfully, if anorexia were a person, it wouldn't matter how they looked or the traits they bestowed, for a person in the form of anorexia would be one withholding so much maliciousness that it would blind your eyes and blind your soul. You wouldn't be able to see its hazel eyes or hear its creeping voice for all of your senses would violently dissipate like the destruction of an atomic bomb.
Kisses,
COS x
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