Lady and the Trap
Lady and the Tramp - two world-renowned puppy lovers who famously share a single spaghetti strand as they dotingly gaze into each other's eyes. Lady and the Trap - a Blog Post sharing all the traps which prevent such a love. Shopaholics, I confess to you that loving myself doesn't come naturally. Self-criticism, mental illness and perfectionism cloud my ability to enjoy an extravagant plate of Nonna's spaghetti and meatballs over a romantic dinner. Over the years, I've observed, noted & analysed my self-destructive traps. With love, I, Lady will help find you, Shopaholic, the Tramp that you so rightly deserve through sharing the traps stopping you in your tracks.
Trap No.1: An Absence Of Passion
Shopaholics, passion is the nourishment for our souls. Passion is the emotion we feel when doing something that evokes insatiable excitement, consumes all of our other thoughts and leaves us restless at night. Dolls, I confess to you a common mistake - thinking that passion equals fulfilment. Fulfilment can be found in spending time with friends & family, walking the dog or being a devoted employee. But without the coexistence of passion, fulfilment can't solely feed our souls- only our heart and mind. Dolls, to explain the necessity of feeding our souls, apply the analogy of loving your handsome future Husband. You can show him you love him by fulfiling his needs and wants such as making him tea and buying luxurious cardigans for his birthdays but when you add passion, your love will be stronger, more radiant and flavourful. Think spontaneous travel, surprise visits at work and secret love letters. When we apply this analogy to feeding our own souls with this passion, we begin to provide abundance to what's mediocre, romanticise our lives and make the dull interesting. Whether you discover what your dream job is, find serenity in the sound of the piano or experience complete pleasure when you help animals, you'll stop living for others and start living for yourself- because, for you, life is too enjoyable to miss.
Shopaholics, I confess to you that one of my self-destructive traps is isolation. Being an introvert, I find social interaction draining and being by myself feels more comfortable, natural and easy. When I spend too much time in isolation without a passion, I engage in boredom-reducing activities such as watching TV shows, reading books or walking my dog. These activities provide me with some fulfilment but ultimately, I'm simply passing the time with activities that don't show my soul how worthy I am of love. When I find my true passion, I am unwaveringly loyal to I with all of my time and thoughts. I'm reminded of how wonderful life can be and doing things for myself comes naturally. I begin focusing on personal hygiene and reaching out to friends & family because my life becomes important, joyful and big. I confess to you, Dolls, that my greatest passion is writing for you.
Trap No.2: No Nature
Believe me, Dolls, you will never catch me hiking Mount Everest, walking in the Grand Canyon or camping for seven days in the desert with a rucksack secured around my waist (Yes, I did have to look up the name of those fugly bags). I share this confession with you so that you don't assume that to have nature in your life it needs to be to any sort of extremity. I have never and will never be the outdoor activities type of girl. However, when I've lived in cities, spent all my waking hours working inside or resided in shopping malls, I have noted how my breaths grow shorter, less clear and less deep, I feel my heart beat with less reason and my vision become disinterested. It isn't until I feel so depleted and disconnected from nature that I recognise I'm in a trap. Dolls, I promise you that nature is the Tramp you've been searching for. He expells clarity, is exceptionally charming and infinitely accepting.
The clarity nature provides is within the elements. We breathe in its oxygen, drink its hydrogen and absorb vitamin D from the sun. Connecting to the source either through drinking fresh rainfall or breathing in a park where Moreton Bay Figs and Gum Trees are plentiful clarifies the parts of our mind occupied with man-made solutions like movies, spa days or cooking. The beauty that nature contains is unique. As Winter approaches, the sky's predisposition is grey, the ocean is filled with whitewash and the paddocks become puddles, many ignore its beauty because mangoes hide, dolphins play less and frangipanis stop blooming. But whether it's Winter or Fiji isn't your backyard, nature's beauty is something you must search for. Its beauty lies within the ant who picks up a ball of dirt that his best friend dropped and the cobweb that can only be seen when the sunlight strikes it in the afternoon sun. When taken aback by the exquisiteness of a rainbow or the delicateness of rainfall, it's easy to forget that humans are an animal, innately perfect and wonderfully unique. The more I dedicate my time to nature, the more I realise how beautiful I am, too for nature accepts our truest form, catering to our strengths and sustaining us. I get out of my nature-less trap with diligence but it is with diligence that my corner of the world begins blossoming with the hope of a real world intertwined with animals, kindness and peacefulness.
Trap No.3: Deficient & Poor Relationships
Shopaholics, I confessed to you my introversion that has resulted in many relationships being deficient in the fundamentals. I also confessed to you the severely poor relationship I endured for most of my life in my Blog Post: My First Breakup Was With My Dad. The love we surround ourselves with is the love we think we deserve and if I'm not being loved well and plentifully, I find myself in a Trap. Being introverted means that I enjoy solitude and the few people that I share social interactions with are deeply important to me. Considering I place such importance upon my small inner circle, I'm more likely to dismiss red flags because I'm so grateful for the company and connection. This is a detrimental trap, Dolls. I once let an entire friendship develop for two years involving hundreds of encounters, sleepovers and celebrations. I estimate that merely three of those encounters were initiated by her. When I found the courage to confront her, she had no willingness to change for the sake of saving our friendship. Dolls, perfection can't be a standard in relationships considering humans are inherently imperfect. However, there always has to be mutual respect - the kind of respect where both parties always want to work on resolving deficiencies, whether or not that's the result.
An outright poor relationship is a relationship that doesn't just have deficiencies but creates insecurity, distress and emotional turmoil on a consistent basis. These relationships are an outright trap, Shopaholics! They will leave you emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. Relationships are hard but the best parts should always outweigh the worst parts. I confess to you a scary truth, Dolls - When in love, humans obliviously sweep red flags under the rug like clockwork. The scary part is that sometimes we only notice the bumpy rug when an outsider gives a funny look and by then, your broom is usually in Kansas. Luckily for you, Shopaholics, my broom is always by my side and you'll want to take notes on my famous trap prevention tip! Upon meeting a new friend, boyfriend or coach, introduce them to the person whose opinion you value most, who knows you best and who has your greatest interest at heart. If you're lucky, you'll have two people in your life like this so that your research is more reliable. No matter how trepidacious you feel and how devastated you may be, allow these 1-2 trustees to give you the go-ahead or the big-no. In the short term, you will feel loss but in the long term, you've gained the freedom of a sour apple left uneaten. Escaping this trap is like a caramel-coated Granny Smith with sugar coating and sticky honey nuts.
Shopaholics, I promised I'd be a Lady and confess to you my Traps. I delivered and now it's your job to be a Lady and get your Tramp!
Kisses,
COS x
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