Little Lover
For most of my life, I've had the big love fantasy laid out for me of getting married, having kids and owning a house. It was a fantasy I learnt from my family, friends and teachers. But, Dolls, what they didn't teach me is something I've learnt for myself... that the moments I treasure most about my day are the things that we don't talk incessantly about. They're often the things I witness and feel when nobody I know is around to share them with. Dolls, here are all of my little loves to remind you that like they say in my favourite movie, 'Love Actually... is all around.'
I love hugs. I'm not talking about the regular, nice ones. I'm talking about the types of hugs you see in movies when two lovers have been estranged for months or years and their embrace is a hug that fills up the room, not a kiss or a sex scene, but a hug. Because they didn't just miss their body, but they missed them. I'm talking about the hug someone gives you as you grieve, surrendering your broken soul to the space around them, the space of empathy, of understanding, of reassurance. I love the hugs that only my parents can give me. They're the figure who we hope will love us implicitly and receiving a genuine, long, encapsulating hug from a parent can be the most comforting, secure and meaningful.
Pets are one of my biggest little loves. Pets are beautiful because they trust in us entirely, need us infinitely and provide us with unconditional love. The nightmares I have make me afraid to fall asleep at night but because of my little dog, Archie, I can find safety, love and ease in this time of day that otherwise feels lonely and scary. Sometimes I wake myself up screaming and Archie is curled into my body, looking up at me with his beautiful, compassionate eyes, showing me that in reality, with him, I'll be okay. Archie also demonstrates to me the simplicity of life, as well as its natural rhythms. This is specifically in relation to my eating disorder. Whenever I'm struggling, Archie will be by my side. His delight and enjoyment for the times of day when he eats reminds me that eating is not only fundamental but an experience that is pleasurable. Pets require the most rudimentary care yet it is the most complicated aspects of human life that can be alleviated with their presence, affection and existence.
I love morning routines. It's a time of day that I spend entirely by myself, in my head, processing dreams of the night before and planning for the day ahead. I like being woken up, without an alarm, to a morning hug. Every morning I look forward to taking my vitamins, drinking my coffee, and looking out at my patio where there's a serene nature landscape, not because there's anything particularly exciting about these things, but rather, I enjoy the routine that I've adopted entirely by myself that nobody else knows exactly how to do. I feel eager to open up my emails and messages from my friends, colleagues and website. I've waited one whole day and seeing all of the people who thought about me in that time sets the tone of the day. Also, the morning is my initial point of nourishment and in turn, I have the energy to pump out some writing, whether it be my blog, to my loved ones or my book. There are so many different components to my morning routine and every one is equally special to me. All of these little loves, I love.
I thoroughly adored writing this blog post because it provided me with an opportunity to practice gratitude for what I rarely have an opportunity to say thanks for. Thank you for letting me say thank you and I'm curious... What are some of your little loves, Dolls?
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