TATTOO TOUR
Dolls, I get asked about my tattoos a lot, so instead of responding to each message, I've decided to do a tour, right here, right now, in one place, for every Doll that's asked, is curious, or looking for inspo!
There's only one tattoo I have that has a double meaning. '...' is what I have tattooed on my left ring finger. Its first meaning is its symbolisation of my passion for writing, '...' being a punctuation term in written English. It's to convey writing for what it has been for me; one of my major purposes in life, an anchor throughout the turmoil and a blessing providing me with glimpses of light, hope, understanding, acceptance and courage where there has been none. Its second symbolisation is of anorexia recovery, '...' meaning 'to be continued'. The reason people put their wedding rings on their left ring finger is because the vein line is connected to the heart, therefore it is the strongest connection to what the heart symbolises; love and vitality. I chose that finger for this additional and poetic meaning. It is for hope that one day, I can love myself beyond anorexia, my darkest storm.
'I want to sing like the birds not worrying about who hears or what they think'. This is the quote that inspired what is, probably, my favourite tattoo. My Dad and I had one of the most meaningful conversations we've ever had about this quote. It was towards the beginning of what has been the severest, out-of-control and longstanding periods of my suffering with anorexia nervosa. I remember explaining to him how I wanted to be like the birds the quote speaks of, free from other people's judgements, oblivious to their detrimental critiquing. And in response, he tended to my suffering by understanding and accepting my desire and dream to be a bird. Additionally, he shared his wisdom with me that I won't ever forget. When we got the same tattoo: 'Not worrying about who hears or what they think.' we took the first step to overcoming both of our fears. That conversation meant just as much to me as it did to my Dad. But every moment that we've since lived, walking through life with that quote imprinted on our bodies, as a part of our identity and purpose has meant more.
I have one more matching tattoo with my dad which is the nickname we gave each other about 4-5 years ago. They stuck after this very silly and random conversation we had that I still laugh about, where we asked each other what nickname we would call the other by if we were Chinese instead of Australian. The name he came up with for me is Butterfly (or 'Budadi') and the name I came up with for him is Freak (or 'Frek'). They're both very endearing terms that are only acceptable for us to call each other by. My dad and I, if you can't tell, are very close to one another... We always have been. We're very protective of, forgiving of and share immense love for one another. I call him my Freak, not because I'm calling him a freak like many people assume when they first hear that, but because it's freakish how special he is to me, how he can always make me laugh even if I'm midway through balling my eyes out, how I would do anything in the world for him at the drop of a hat and how whole-heartedly and uniquely I adore him. I have the Chinese characters for 'Butterfly' on my left wrist, whilst he has the Chinese characters for 'Freak' on his.
The final tattoo I have and will be sharing holds the most significance. Not everybody is fortunate to have one of these but I have something called a 'birth song'. It's quite literally what the name entails, the song that played as my mum gave birth... 'The Scientist' by Coldplay. This song was the white noise to my growing up, a song that I would lose myself in my love for it. Whenever it played on the radio, even as a baby, I'd go completely quiet, feeling its meaning be explored in my entire body. Anorexia has been my biggest struggle to date. I don't know if I will ever recover from it. All I know is that I wasn't promised a life with or without anorexia, I wasn't promised anything but the love my mother has always had so much to give me. But this song reminds me to go back to the beginning when everything was as simple as my birth and my mum fighting for me to exist. It reminds me that even when I'm immensely struggling with anorexia, I wasn't promised an easy life, but I was promised love. And in my hardest moments, that will be everything I have. 'Nobody said it was easy'; My favourite lyric in the song tattooed across my heart.
I once spoke to a stranger who had these intricate and extensive tattoos across his body and he told me that the tattoos on our bodies are the only thing we go to the grave in. It completely altered and inspired the way I thought about tattoos.. not just as a means of expression but as a story of our lives, the people we fall in love with and the experiences that shape us. Tattoos allow us to represent the lives we live. The tattoos I've chosen so far are an endeavour to stain my story on my skin, forevermore.
Kisses,
COS x
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