THE 7 DEADLY SINS

It's me again, Dolls and I'm here to make seven confessions... one confession for every deadly sin. Except, there's a twist. Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride are the sins comitted by an eating disorder. It isn't going to be so glamorous today, pretty Shopaholics. Eating disorders scream in the day of light and fester in the dark. Let's make the bitch scream and hopefully she'll die.

Lust

When it comes to the sin of lust (strong sexual desire) I want to discuss falling out of love with yourself and the complications in relationships which arise as a result of eating disorders. Now I know it's hard to imagine anybody falling out of love with me, I mean look at me! Look at you! Aren't we gorgeous? But even totally gorgeous people fall out of love with themselves. You know that Serena Van Der Woodsnen at school with the perfect body who always complained about her pores and receeding hair line? Well eating disorders convince Serena's all over the world that they need to restrict food to look better. The funny thing about eating disorders is that no matter how beautiful you truly are, they convince you that you're less than - externally and internally. And when you finally reach a goal number or a goal figure, the finishing line is pushed back, again, and again. You're racing a never ending race and the only runner is you.

But you see, when your desires in life becomes so self-orientated, the desire you once had to socialise and engage with the ones you love diminishes. That saying

'You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Because it's only when we love ourselves that we feel worthy of someone else's love.'

is whole-heartedly accurate. Focusing on myself meant I thought my family hated me 24/7, I thought my friends didn't like me anymore because I'd lost my personality, and I thought my boyfriend wouldn't love me if I gained weight. You start cancelling plans because you're too cold, you say no to dinners because you don't want the anxiety and you miss out on family events because your parents are scared for anyone to see you. As you can see, eating disorders are a great way to spend your time, they fill you with confidence and fix all your problems! PSA Dolls... that's complete BULLSHIT!

Gluttony

Excessiveness is never pretty Shopaholics. And neither is waste. So gluttony, which is excessiveness to the point of waste, is clearly a shopaholic sin... but let me tell you just how ugly gluttony truly is. Lying is like a bad pimple. It starts out as a red patch and ends up as a mountain of oozing puss and irritation. Eating disorders make you lie. At first, you hide your eating disorder so nobody notices. Then, once people notice, you hide it so they don't worry. You'll begin to lie to make everyone around you feel better but this induces the shame... the act of lying indicates you're doing something wrong and soon you will feel like you are wrong. You will feel so much self hatred everytime you hide food, everytime you said you ate, and everytime you said you were busy. And the worst part? Not only are the lies excessive but the lies lead to waste. The wastage of food, the wastage of the body, and the wastage of the soul you once were. The two components of gluttony are the very makeup of the eating disorders mind. It is a makeup unlike le maquillage. There is no pink, there is no sparkle, and there is no joy.

Greed

As all good Shopaholics know, shopping is the most delightful experience known to (wo)man. To break down greed, shopping will be our analogy because there's nothing easier to understand than a shopping trip! Firstly, I start out at Chanel (Duh!) and I browse the store for some delectable treats. The sunglasses catch my eye and I simply have to buy them. They make me feel so pretty and so I of course have to go to Dior to smell as delightful as I look. Now, I'm itching for some new lingerie so I scroll on my Pinterest and find Babydoll lingerie from for Love & Lemons. By the end of the day, I've now added a Victoria's Secret plunge slip, a Brandy Melville lace tank, a pair of pink Prada Pumps, and a Valentino Garavani Nappa bag. I feel delightful but I'm also starting to feel a little empty. I've filled a hole with new material posessions but I also lost things along the way like my money, morals, and even some friends who stopped shopping with me much earlier in the day. Now replace the desire for shopping with the desire for control and the items themselves with restriction. The more I restrict, the greater sense of control I begin to feel. And along the way I lose the joy which food once brought me, my sense of morals such as self-compassion, self-love, and respect for my body, and my friends stop hanging out with me because they can't bear to watch me self destruct.

Sloth

I wish I was talking about the fuzzy sloth animals who sleep all day but unfortunantely Shopaholics... the sin I must confess isn't so cute. In fact, there's nothing cute at all about apathy. Mental and physical exhaustion are side-effects of all types of eating disorders. You fill bathtubs with your own tears, scream because the voices are too loud, and can barely stand because you feel so weak. For me, sloth, was the most deadly sin of them all. Think of it like a stack of pancakes... You start out with the first pancake which is always the shittiest but you don't worry too much because you know there's better ones to come. Like the pancake, I started to feel physically weaker. I would struggle to get up stairs, concentration began to deplete because food was at the forefront of my mind, and I started losing interest in my hobbies.

But, I didn't notice too much because I flipped the second pancake perfectly... I.e I didn't notice too much because I was achieving control, numbers lowered, and I was finally good at something. The final pancake. The most beautiful of them all. I had mastered the flip technique and it was going to be the hottest out of the stack. However, at this stage I realise that the kitchen is now a mess, my bottom pancake is soggy, and I need a break because my hands are acheing from practicing the flip. Basically, at this stage I am covered in fluffy fur and have grown claws. I am nearly 100% sloth. I'm never not tired, I can't focus on anything other than flipping pancakes, and I've withdrawn from all other activities which once fulfilled me such as family time, singing, and having the energy to dance. Now my prescious Shopaholic Dolls, don't let me ruin pancakes for you. Let me quickly remind you of nutella, lemon and sugar, and choc-chip. I can't have anybody giving pancakes a bad rep on my watch!

Wrath

My prescious Shopaholics, you know that I love a dainty lingerie set and a Fairy Princess le maquillage routine as much as the next Shopaholic but I refuse to let that define me as a sweet, pure, and innocent woman. And I am not ashamed (neither should you be) to say that I get angry, despite the pressures of society telling women how to behave. I can (and always will) be a dainty Fairy Princess and a raging emotional Queen simultaneously. My eating disorder makes me a confident Biotch who isn't ashamed to say anything. She's like my evil alter ego and honestly, I kind of admire her as much as I hate her.

When it comes to things unrelated to my eating disorder, my usual demeanor is accepting, understanding, and non-confrontational. When it comes to things related to my eating disorder, I have and will scream, cry, and demand. The eating disorder wants to thrive and when it's tested, a volcano erupts. It will do anything to refuse treatment or accept any form of help. This Bitch is a pest to kill. I'm talking throwing food across the room, telling people I love to 'Fuck off!' when they ask me to eat more, and becoming extremely irritable over practically anything. I find myself picking apart behaviour of people I genuinely adore and over-criticizing everyone around me... it's awful. Afterwards, the wrath is directed at myself because I'm now so ashamed of who I've become.

Envy

Do you believe that envy is taught? Or is it an emotion that humans inherently feel? I've always wondered this. Women are always pitted against eachother. Friends of parents talk about who the prettier sister is, women who don't get along in the media are labelled as 'volatile' or having 'catfights', and movies like 'The Duff' or 'Bring It On' showcase a girl who feels envious of her friends because of her appearance. But it wasn't until social media that I began to truly feel envy. I would've died to look different. I'm not exagerating. And I was always close to the beauty standard... tall, white, full lips, tanned skin, and long legs. So I cannot imagine the envy I would've felt if I was even further from the beauty standard. Maybe being so far from the beauty standard would've forced me to accept myself more. I think the fact that it was so nearly attainable made me desire somebody different in the mirror that much more.

♡ ♡ ♡

My angel Shopaholics, I have a confession to make. I used to love my face and my body. Without any input from the world, I liked how my body looked and I was so confident. I ate normally, received delight as I tasted something yummy, and didn't think twice about saying 'yes' to going out for dinner. But envy was something I had never felt so intensely, fiercly, and immensely until I became exposed to millions of extremely skinny people with the most beautiful faces. It was only then that I looked within myself and thought 'I am nowhere near enough.'

Pride

When I think of pride, I think of Kendrick Lamar. My favourite song by him is 'pride' and ironically, his thoughtful lyrics perfectly explain this deadly sin. He sings:

'Love's gonna get you killed But pride's gonna be the death of you, and you and me'

Pride is selfishness and self-obsession in a corrupt form. It is to an unmatched extent which burns everything you once loved. It slowly kills your relationships and joy you once experienced. I do not believe that eating disorders involve intentional pride but the effect of an eating disorder certainly has a similar destructive effect. Shopaholics, pride is the final deadly sin and it's confession price is high. But I'm getting the bill and dessert is on the house. I'm not talking ice cream and cupcakes, Dolls. I'm talking dedication. It takes dedication to reverse the effect of pride because you aren't the one who catches the ball. Everytime it's thrown, you feel it fly past you but your Mum? Your Dad? Your best friend in the world? They're the ones who get winded. The more you body check, the more you check the scale and the more you feel insecure... the more the people you love lose you. They lose little pieces over time until the person they once knew becomes a distant memory. They are the ones who watch you slowly lose yourself to the demons in your mind which tell you that you aren't enough.

𝓟𝓻𝓲𝓭𝓮

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𝓛𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓘 𝓼𝓪𝓲𝓭, 𝓢𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓪𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓲𝓬𝓼, 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂'𝓻𝓮 𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓭 𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓵𝔂 𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷. 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓻𝓸𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓰, 𝓮𝓶𝓹𝓽𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓴. 𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓱𝔂, 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮. 𝓢𝓸 𝓓𝓸𝓵𝓵, 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮?