The Devil Is In The Details
Updated: Mar 16, 2023
Sweet Shopaholics, nine times out of ten, when we scratch the surface, we find that what appeared to be manageable is truly a chaotic mess. I believe that the most heartbreaking misconception about eating disorders is that they must 'look' as though the media depicts them for a sufferer's battles to be taken seriously. I also believe that waiting until their appearance is as sick as the devil in their mind is an injustice that is difficult to rectify. It is my hope that 'The Devil Is In The Details' can assist loved ones in spotting the devil, free of assumption, judgement and bias.
When you look at my hands, what do you see? Aside from a lavish manicure involving extensions and layers of ombre pearly white and blossom pink, you may see the tools I use to serve others, to embrace my father in our morning hugs or to stroke my sweet puppy to sleep at night.
THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAILS
Furiously, chemicals erode the natural oils, pervading my manicure and discolouring my sentimental friendship ring. In multiple increments throughout each day, I hover over my sink, scrubbing dishes that are clearly cleaned, forcing perfection into unnecessary circumstances. The femininity of my beautifully elongated fingers transforms into a ritualised act. It is an act that conceals joy and is replaced with control, despair and torture.
*Mind you, although this devil is relative to obsessive-compulsive disorder, such a disorder often overlays as a maintaining factor of or correlation with eating disorders. Hence, I believe this devil to be of notable mention.
When you look at my heart, what do you see? An ambitious girl who is capable of success? Or do you see a gentle soul that delivers compassion, kindness and respect?
THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAILS
Would you know, I wonder, that shame is what plagues the thick stream of vibrant red pouring through my atriums? Or that it transforms into a polluted pool of hopelessly black plasma? Could you anticipate that a heart that beats hopefulness for others could be entirely void of this entity for itself? This heart of mine is reckoned with the belief that it is unimportant, aimlessly beating for a meaningless existence.
When you look at my family, what do you see? A gaze would uncover the inextricable bond between parents and children. It would uncover unconditional love, encouragement, strength, adventure and priceless wealth.
THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAILS
When doors are closed, tears stream and silent, breathless cries fill the unspoken words hovering in the air. The knowledge that there is an undoubted occurrence of self-destruction, fear and classified information forces the family into an anxious state, dwindling the already frail piece of string tying each person to the next. Perhaps it is like a cold war but perhaps it is cooler. Perhaps it is more hurtful considering the opposing parties are not opposing at all but rather allies privy to increasing secrets and motives.
Dolls, in my lifetime, I've become accustomed to the knowledge that the devil is rarely the big, red monster staring at you in the face. The true devil is often lurking in the shadows, discreetly plotting its poignant attack. Regrettably, devils manifest their sneaky presence into the lives of exceptional souls and solicitous families but their presence doesn't have to result in the melancholic events that it anticipates. Keep talking and keep learning so that the devils begin screaming and people begin living.
Kisses & Hugs,
COS xo
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