THE STEP TO DAD
I wonder if the events that unfold in our lives are a testimony of fate, fortuitous events or a combination of both. I'd like to think that we aren't destined to experience turmoil but perhaps it is the turmoil that allows us to recognise the glistening pot of gold. I endured many years of heartache from the person I'd once called 'Dad' until I decided that a break-up was my only option left in leading a fulfiling life. But, unlike many young girls without fathers, when I left my biological Dad, I wasn't left stranded. My step-dad who'd been in my life since I was ten, had consistently been a supportive, benevolent and loving person who made me feel safe, complete and cherished without conditions, rules or games. I believe that I'd been so focused on the rainbow that I hadn't allowed the pot of gold that had been there all along to be my sole source of wealth.
I remember the day as clear as water...
I'd just finished my weekly after-school swimming lesson and my at-the-time-step-dad (who spoiler alert: I now call Dad) was speaking to another parent of an after-school swimming lesson partaker. He paused, met my eye and said 'I'm here with my daughter'. I felt a warmth, unlike any warmth I'd ever felt, a rush of glistening gold and iridescent sunshine pouring through my veins. Most likely, I stood there frozen in shock but inside, I'd never smiled so greatly, jubilantly and significantly. If I had to count the best days I'd ever had, on one hand, the first time he introduced me as his 'daughter' and every day he's said it since would be counted on one of my five fingers.
The choice to be the father of a child you didn't watch come into the world is a choice that only a real man can make, a choice that takes dedication, perseverance and integrity. Children can be fickle creatures, especially when it comes to their assumptions about the world around them. Once, I was a child but to call myself fickle would be too understanding. I was clever and I knew the very phrase that would sting the most. 'You can't tell me what to do' i.e. 'you're not really my Dad'. It broke him. I'd never seen such a sturdy and tall man look so defeated with rejection. It hurt me more than it hurt him, I think. I instantaneously regretted the words I'd chosen and hated the shallow person I'd become at that moment. It taught both of us a lot about each other but most importantly, it taught us that we were stronger than titles. In the end, our love was inseparable and a hurtful phrase that was said out of spite could never break such a pure bond that was intertwined with years of trust, compassion and admiration.
It took 7 years for my step-dad to propose to my mum. Before they made an official marital commitment to each other, he wasn't maritally bound to me as a step-dad. But we made a commitment to one another long before seven years, a commitment that would've remained despite the outcome of their relationship or his proposal. I don't believe it took very long for both him and I to notice our similarities that soon fostered into sizeable fondness and endless love. It took some time before we said 'I love you' to each other but I think we knew we loved each other long before either of us spoke the words. We knew because our commitment was clearly stated not through words but rather through actions on both of our parts. His commitment to me was a choice he had to be persistent with as I was used to being let down by my biological father. But I counted and depended on him, much more than my biological Dad, to show up for me because I knew by that stage what commitment didn't look like. To this day, I can honestly say that he has consistently supported me, attended all of my important events and been present through every milestone.
Shopaholics, the step to dad took years of dedication, trust and nurturing to complete. Yet one thing is simple, he has stepped up to not only be my dad but to be the best dad in the world. Happy Father's Day to my best friend, Frek/Freak & Dad. Love you forever.
Kisses,
COS x
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