The Ultimate Survival Guide To Friendship Breakups
After a breakup, the biggest question seems to be whether or not you remain friends but what do you do when you break up with the person who was never more than a friend? During friendships, we're our most authentic selves, we spill our deepest and darkest secrets and put our hearts on the line with every tear shed and laugh shared in their presence. It always feels as though it will last forever until one day it doesn't. Whether it's because distance interfered or they weren't who you thought, a friendship breakup is equally, if not more harrowing, distressing and painful than a relationship breakup. Lucky, you have a Shopaholic in your corner with the Ultimate Survival Guide at her fingertips.
Closure
A breakup is not always, but often forever. Having words left unsaid will only leave you with regret, wishing you had said what you needed to say. Even if what you have to say is harsh, it's important that you feel you were heard. Perhaps even your honesty could lead to further discussion and create an opportunity for reconciliation- in the near or distant future.
Meet In Person
Although we have access to Instagram, messages and phone calls, face-to-face contact is critical for a breakup. Only 7% of communication is the words we say. 38% is our tone. 55% is our body language and facial expressions. For closure to occur, both friends must not only receive the words but also, their delivery. It creates a stronger likelihood of an amicable breakup because it's easier to empathise with a person's words if it's visible that they're hurt, remorseful or regrettable.
Wallowing
Shopaholics, breaking up with a friend is almost as bad as breaking a fresh nail and crying is the only way to get over it. In all seriousness, sometimes friendships are so special that you give a piece of your heart to them and when you decide to break up, you leave a part of yourself with them forever. You're leaving behind a moment in your life that was more enriched with them in it, a love you fostered and memories you created. My most recent friendship break up saw my Mum coming into my room at 11 pm as I cried to her, confused as to why my friend didn't like me anymore. Other entirely acceptable and encouraged means of wallowing include eating Ben & Jerry's out of the tub with a spoon or hiding under the covers for a week. However you chose, whenever you chose, wallowing is an essential step in my Ultimate Survival Guide.
Moving On
The only way to get to the pot of gold, Dolls, is to walk across the rainbow. To be healed, you must seek fulfilment amongst other means. Good friendships provide company, discussion, excitement, adventure and love. Other means are endless, starting with spontaneous movie dates for one and ending with making plans with the girl you say 'Hi' to in the halls. Everything in between is talking with the elderly man who has his ritualistic morning coffee at the local bakery, taking your Mum to the art gallery, getting off at the last stop of a random bus ride or indulging in a massage. As you build your repertoire of a new company, the sting of their absence will subside until one day, joy will trump all.
Ripping Off The Bandaid
It hurts like a bitch but the quicker you do it, the shorter you endure it. What is it you must endure, you ask? The first time you do anything that you used to do with them. Ouch! Your weekly nail appointments? Those nails aren't going to fix themselves, Dolls. Walking past the crystal shop where you'd always buy them a gift? Those crystals aren't going anywhere, Dolls. Hanging out in your friendship trio that's now a pair? You can't buy two hot chocolates for the price of three, Dolls. The first time is always the most painful, but I promise you that the more you expose yourself to the pain, the less daunting it becomes. I won't promise that it hurts less but over time, you forget why those moments are tinged with sadness.
I make it sound simple but breakups are never methodical, Shopaholics. The reality is that no breakup is the same... some hurt like all hell and for others, the pain lasts a few days tops. But no matter who I've broken up with or who broke up with me, my Ultimate Survival Guide drastically reduced the mourning and my coping mechanisms have worked a charm amongst many other Dolls. If you're going to ruin your mascara, a Shopaholic better do it right!
Kisses,
COS xxx
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